Welcome to the Scrubs Hotel
By R
Good evening Sir!
Welcome to the Scrubs Hotel
Where a day feels like forever
Bad news – we’ve double-booked you
You need to share with Big Dave
He is normally quite calm
Just don’t sneeze during snooker
Or breathe during Countdown
And no sudden movements
Good news – no need to share the sink
He doesn’t wash…
Apologies, but hotel policy dictates that your
Wife must stay in one of our sister hotels.
Unfortunately, all our balcony suites are taken
However, do not despair as your room is
Equipped with the latest metal sheet
Microscopic air hole air flow technology
With not fully opening, not fully closing
Functionality as standard
We’ve taken the liberty of pre-chilling your room to minus 7
As requested, we can accommodate you in a passive smoking room
Take advantage of our health & fitness facilities during your stay
We will open the gym once a week… for an hour
Your wellbeing is important to us
We’ve had posters printed saying so
I see you have opted for our all-inclusive package
A fine selection! Your meals will be chef’s choice
Leave your worries and taste-buds at the door
Allow me to help you with your luggage
And by ‘help’… I mean keep
You may be mistaken for waiters or maids
If you keep these black and white clothes
We offer overpriced room service once a week
Order a week in advance
Spontaneous desires cannot be indulged
Also, it may not turn up
Would you like to book the Scrubs Safari?
If you are lucky you will see the ‘big 6’
Crow, pigeon, gull, sparrow, rat and the not so elusive silverfish
We’ve put you down for a compulsory wake-up call at 1, 3 and 6 am
Please don’t be alarmed if you get a torch in the face at 4am
We are just checking you will still be here for breakfast
Once you are unpacked, feel free to enjoy any of the many bars here
We pride ourselves on our variety. We have them everywhere
On the doors, the windows, and in all common areas
We even put them in your room
Your room operates on keyless technology. You will be keyless
Do have a lovely stay and we’ll see you tomorrow…for an hour
Don’t forget to leave us a review!