Tag: covid-19

Not Giving Up

Author: | 16 Apr 2021

The pandemic has disrupted so many students’ plans and dreams. It has presented unprecedented challenges to people in prison who are studying to turn their lives around. Many Longford scholars have spent the last year studying online when they had imagined learning in a university lecture hall.

For psychology student and scholar Chris Leslie the pandemic became a matter of life or death. Here he tells his own story….

I wake up extremely groggy with a bad nightmare ‘hangover’. My bed is surrounded by nurses and doctors. I remember telling myself thank God I’m awake, I must have slept for ages. The doctors reassure me I’m OK but I know something isn’t right. I try to speak – nothing comes out. Finally, I manage to push out a few raspy words.

I’ve been in intensive care for 4 weeks.

I’d better explain how I got there.

One moment I was sitting in an almost empty (due to Covid) university library applying myself to my psychology degree, the next I’m stuck in my student flat having contracted the virus and trying to keep up with two weeks’ worth of bio- and social psychology reading. I’d borrowed the books from the library – a big moment in itself, as I’m ashamed to say it was the first time I’d taken books out. Considering I’m a second year student, very ashamed!

Anyway, I’d hoped the books would see me through my isolation. Little did I know.

Up until Day 3 I was reading and making well informed notes. I’d be fine in a few days, surely? By Day 5 the pain had become immense.  I’m unable to read or even get out of bed, but I’m still positive. I’ll be back to study soon. Day 12 and unfortunately my breathing has become harder and I’ve rung the doctors who send an ambulance. On the way to hospital I have a lovely conversation with the paramedics about my psychology degree and the age old question comes up, “Are you going to analyse us then?” The doctors say my oxygen is low but not to worry.  I go to sleep, I’m shattered.

When I wake up I ask for dinner, I’m starving and cheeky me is hoping for some Christmas treats. The nurse replies with a sad look in her eyes, her mask covering her mouth, “It’s January 17th”. What?? I assume she’s got it wrong. She tells me I’ve been in a coma but not to worry I’m fine. Coma? I’ve only been asleep one day what on earth is she talking about? I’m shocked, saddened and puzzled all in one emotion.

The nurse’s eyes well up and simultaneously I’m telling myself, “Smile Chris, this must be a mistake.”

I quickly realise I have no feelings in my legs. The medical staff tell me I’ve been ‘really poorly’, in intensive care for a month. I’ve lost so much muscle from the legs that I can’t walk. Never did I think covid would have this effect on me. Covid-19

Since the pandemic first struck last year, I’d often wondered how it would affect my studies. Never did I think it would play out like this. This after all was the year I was giving my studies 100% effort because, if I’m honest with myself, until this point I hadn’t given it my all. It felt cruel when, after my first submission of the 2020-21 academic year, I caught Covid-19 despite attending lectures online and me personally adhering to all social distancing measures, wearing a mask and gloves. And yet, it still got me.

Three weeks after waking up in hospital I attempt to log on to my university portal.  I couldn’t remember my password. Even worse I couldn’t remember my email. How can this be so? Covid-19. Brain fog.

My life pre-study is not one I’m proud of, however since studying I’m incredibly proud of myself. I tell myself, “Focus Chris you’ve got this. Covid 19, you will not win.”

More than one month since waking up to my own nightmare, I’m home now.  My mobility still isn’t great. Learning to walk again can be frustrating to say the least but I’m determined and I’ve realised that’s half the battle. One day it hit me, there’s no way I could go on studying so soon after almost dying. I’ve had to face up to reality. I have to get back to full fitness, then go back to uni.

I’m disappointed, sad that it feels like I’ve let down everybody who has supported me. Often in the past I’ve thought about quitting studies for good as I have already repeated year 1 and 2.  The prospect of repeating again is emotionally draining.

But, as I keep reminding myself, I must get better first then return to study.

So, at the time of writing this, with the full backing of everyone, I’ve decided to put my degree on pause. I’ll pick up again in September. I’m keeping myself focused by doing some flexible work on my social enterprise and I can honestly say I’m happy. I started my education journey in 2017 and I have had to work my behind off.

I’m incredibly fortunate to be alive, let alone study. I still have my mental faculties, my brain is intact (somewhat).

There’s no way a bug will stop me.

if I have any advice to somebody going back to education after a long absence, it’s that life happens. Things that you never expect to happen, happen! Your resilience is all you need to get through. Studying gave me a new perspective, a new outlook on life, something to be truly proud of. I may have a mountain to climb but I’m going to graduate and I will become a counselling psychologist one day. I will not give up, I can beat Covid.

 

 

A virtual internship: three months flew past

Author: | 30 Sep 2020

My time as an intern at the Criminal Justice Alliance by Jason Grant

It is a Friday afternoon on the last day of my internship with the Criminal Justice Alliance (CJA). I have just finished a Zoom call with Director Nina Champion and Sarah, a new recruit and member of an expert group who use their experience and expertise to inform the CJA’s work to create a fair and effective criminal justice system. I can honestly say that my knowledge, skills and experience have been put to good use over the past three months and I am glad to have made the connection through the Longford Trust.

To rewind a little…

It all started back in March 2020, when COVID-19 was making its way through Europe and all my freelance work as a public speaker and trainer was being postponed or cancelled. I was looking for an opportunity and heard about the three-month internship with the CJA – which, in case you aren’t familiar with their work, is a coalition of 160 organisations working together to create a fairer and more effective criminal justice system. I had met Nina at a criminal justice event a couple of years ago and decided I would put myself forward. To give you a bit of background about me, I am a former scholar, graduating in 2016 with a Criminology Masters from Glasgow University and am now a trustee with the Longford Trust. I felt well positioned to make the most of the opportunity.

Initially, I had some trepidation about starting an internship during a pandemic, with all work being done remotely. A week before full lockdown, I went to London to visit the office and have a conversation with Nina about what I would be doing. I left the meeting with a good sense of the organisation and felt that I would be in good hands.

How did I work – virtually?

From the first team meeting -via Microsoft Teams- I was made to feel very welcome, and I quickly became an integral member of the team. My usual working day would begin with a catch-up call with the team member I was working with to discuss the plan for the day. I would then spend the day conducting research and writing, interviewing people, reading through transcripts and writing up my thoughts and findings. It was a well-thought out plan and I felt supported from the start.

On Mondays, I worked with Jamie, the Communications and Engagement Officer, to help produce a briefing on what makes good criminal justice reporting. I interviewed journalists, academics and campaigners to explore how the media can cover criminal justice in a more sensitive and constructive way, and how it can improve public understanding of complex criminal justice issues. The briefing will be published ahead of the CJA Media Awards later this year.

On Wednesdays I worked with Amal, the Policy Officer, to help produce a report looking at whether restorative practice (which brings those harmed by crime or conflict and those responsible for the harm into communication to repair the harm and find a positive way forward) can disrupt what is often called the ‘school-to-prison pipeline’. In other words, whether this kind of communication can slow the depressing path from school exclusion to prison sentence.

It’s a complex subject. I did lots of reading to gain a full understanding of the issue, though I had some knowledge from previous work I’d done with The Forgiveness Project. I then found and interviewed restorative practitioners working all over the country in schools and people working in alternative education provision and youth offending settings. Everyone was very generous with their time. The report will form part of the CJA’s Responding Restoratively Series, following the first report, Responding Restoratively to COVID-19.

On Fridays, I worked with the CJA Director Nina to develop a proposal for a leadership programme for people who have personal experience of the justice system. The idea of the programme is to enable people with first-hand expertise to gain more influence in the criminal justice system and to progress into leadership positions. I was tasked with pulling together ideas, researching potential partners and speaking with inspiring ‘lived experience’ leaders from across the country. I even had to present my findings to members of the CJA’s Lived Experience Expert Group, who had been involved in CJA’s Change from Within report. They asked some tough questions for me to go away and consider!

Saving the best until last….

The highlight of my internship was a global virtual meeting with fantastic practitioners from across Africa, Europe, Oceania, South America, North America and the Caribbean, through a worldwide prison reform movement Incarceration Nations Network. I had the opportunity to meet a former participant of a leadership programme and her colleagues at Project Rebound, which supports people leaving prison to go to university. Being a trustee at the Longford Trust, and former Longford scholar, I was really interested to hear about all the support they offer to their students in California.

Some of my low points were due to technology. This included the recording of an interview becoming corrupt and unusable, I can still feel the sinking feeling. And my Wi-Fi dropping out midway through calls. I suspect I am not the only one who has experienced such mishaps during the pandemic!

All in all, I had a great and wide-ranging experience – the three months flew past. Like all good things, the internship has come to an end, but I look forward to future opportunities to help out and I’m glad the CJA has hired another Longford scholar to help with this year’s CJA Awards.

*

Postscript from the seaside:

A week later, the CJA team hopped on a train to visit me at the seaside, where I live. We walked along the pebbled beach in bright sunshine, eating fish and chips, getting to know each other better – face-to-face. It is quite surreal meeting people who you have only ever seen through a computer screen. Impressively we managed not to discuss work too much. I was very touched that the team came to visit me, and I wish the CJA and its members the best of luck for the future.

Life in Lockdown: Six Months On

Author: | 15 Sep 2020

                                                  

 

 

Life in Lockdown: Six Months On

Last Summer our scholar Shaun wrote a blog which struck a chord and shocked in equal measure. Describing a cycle of prison, release and homelessness, he told of being given a tent to sleep in after one prison sentence.

Here Shaun, who is studying a distance learning degree, writes about his experience of lockdown…

In early March I was ready to start a new life. I was moving out of supported accommodation and had high hopes of getting a job to support my studies. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out that way…

A week after I moved into my new home, my plans were scuppered by the national lockdown. To say it was a massive blow to me is an understatement. An avid gym goer – as much for my mental well being as the physical benefits -overnight I lost something fundamental to my recovery from a serious and chaotic drinking problem. I didn’t do much in life apart from study and go to the gym. And my world was pretty solitary after cutting off negative people to better my life and create a better future for myself. To compound my isolation part-time work opportunities had fallen away.

Here I was, alone, locked off from the world.  Would I be able to cope?

I found myself getting quite low. Things were looking grim.

My old life was haunting me. The new block of flats I’d moved to were filled with people who were ignoring government advice. I witnessed people walking around like zombies scoring, taking drugs and drinking in the communal areas. As a former addict, it offered dangerous temptation.

Lockdown delivered another major personal blow. Contact with my mother ceased just as I was rebuilding a relationship with her.

Even my face-to-face contact with my mentor – we meet here and there – had fallen victim to Covid-19. We spoke via telephone and email, but it wasn’t the same as meeting up and talking in person.

I felt helpless – locked in. Able only to leave the house for essential items and no gym, it wasn’t long before I fell into drinking again. Every time I went shopping, I’d substitute a food item for alcohol. This soon escalated into a serious drinking pattern.

Suffice to say, lockdown played havoc with my life. Old styles of behaviour were creeping back. I felt myself falling deeper and deeper into a sea of depression and bad decision making. I felt like giving up on my degree.  Now, once again, I was allowing alcohol to get a hold of me. I couldn’t stay there. It was a one-way road to self-destruction if I did.

All hope seemed lost. I had to do something.

I had sought to escape supported accommodation for a long time. Now, alone, with what seemed like the world falling apart around me, I begged to go back. At times I would randomly burst into tears, although I’d never let anybody see me cry. Men don’t cry right? At least that’s what I’ve been taught. I felt weak.

It was in mid-May that I received a glimmer of hope.

I had a move date, June 3rd.

Finally, I could see a way out of the mess I was in. I had come so far, now I’d gone back. I thought I was ready to live independently again, I was wrong. Perhaps had this whole Covid-19 thing not occurred, I may well have succeeded in my plan? Who knows? It’s impossible to say. Anyway, June 3rd rolled around, and I moved back into supported accommodation. It was a massive relief.

Fast forward two months and a lot has changed for the better. Slowly, the pandemic restrictions are being relaxed. I am back at the gym, hooray!  Life in lockdown has affected us all in some form or other. I am very grateful that the Longford Trust never gave up on me and that my mentor continued to reach out to me.

Getting paid work continues to be tough. Instead, I am volunteering a few days a week with a local charity, Emmaus, something I can do alongside my studies. In the long run, this will also close the gap on my CV help my chances with future work. And I enjoy working with the charity. I give what I can in terms of time, but I receive so much more. I am building new relationships and forming a kind of social life, determined to break away from life as a recluse.

By the time you read this, you’ll realise, life in lockdown for me has been one hell of a roller-coaster ride. I have found hope again.

I hope that one day, I will be ready to live alone again, fully independent and able to deal with whatever life throws at me. It’s important to remember that we are never alone, even if it seems that way. We mustn’t be afraid to ask for help no matter what is going on around us.