Facing up to identity issues
Scholar Isaac Rasmussen is proud to have been a Royal Marine. But what happens when you’re not anymore? He reflects on belonging, loss and forging a new identity.
In my first blog for The Longford Trust, I touched on identity. I mentioned how identity was a major factor in how difficult I found transitioning from military to civilian life, which subsequently contributed to me falling foul of the law. I posted about that blog on social media and it sparked some interesting conversation between my friends and former Royal Marine colleagues.
I am proud to be able to call myself a Bootneck (Royal Marine) but I do not think of myself as the most ‘corps pissed’ as we would describe a person whose blood runs with the corps pattern colours, (blue, yellow, green and red, if you are interested). Nevertheless, once I had left the corps, the contrast of military and civilian worlds set in, and I suddenly find myself in a crisis of identity. With hindsight, I should have seen it coming but, as I was leaving the Royal Marines with a particularly bad taste in my mouth, why would I be bothered about an identity I no longer ‘cared’ for?
Identity crisis
Being in the military is a defining identity. The Royal Marines provided me with the opportunity to sink my teeth into something that would scratch an innate need to test myself, take risks. I would say lean into it, if you must. Walk it, talk it, breathe it, but keep something for yourself, something defining outside of the world you have become one with. Be proud but be prepared to move on. Find a replacement for the itch. It doesn’t have to be like for like: risk is risk, the stakes don’t have to always to be as high, or dangerous.
Veterans give a chunk of their lives to their country, sometimes most of their adult lives. When you leave, the wages stop but the brotherhood that you have become part of also fades. Not because it is not strong, more that it is just not practical to keep up that level of camaraderie after you leave. When the noise falls away and the basic responsibilities of life begin, you are left with less like-minded people to rely upon, and a level of pride that will not allow you to ask for help.
Taking on a new identity
I struggled, and I’m not the only one. Many veterans have been left, it seems, with PTSD, a high suicide rate, alcoholism and growing numbers within the prison system. Yes, it’s about money, finding work but it’s also about identity. Becoming a career criminal could become your identity.
So who am I now? I’m a student, doing a degree, with ambition, a new story to tell. I often feel out of place in my new town, with new goals and new environments. However, academia and the world of journalism and media have welcomed me and my experiences with open arms – constantly pushing against all my doubts and reminding me that my differences, my experiences, in many ways, give me an upper hand.
Filling the void
The thrill now is in meeting deadlines at university, achieving a goal at work, making friends, public speaking, and exploring my country. This is what I intend to focus on, to fill the void after leaving life in the military, to help myself guard against making damaging decisions.
The challenges I have faced since leaving prison have been difficult – and why should they not be? Success is born and bred in facing difficulties and finding the right direction on the compass of life. It is where those like me, with fire in their belly, find ourselves and our identity.
Read Isaac’s previous blog.
